Something you have to forgive yourself for.......
hmmmm....this is a hard one.
i really dont think there is anything.
i know ive made mistakes but all my mistakes have got me to where i am today and i dont regret them.
ok, after 10 min of thinking i thought of something.
When i turned 8 i started to get REALLY chubby
i got made fun of in elementary school, had a boy tell me that belts were meant to hold fat in and mine wasn't working..things like that. i moved to a new city when i was 12 and started junior high school. I didn't know anyone and felt really stupid eating lunch by myself so i would go into the bathroom, put my feet up on the toilet and eat lunch :( true story. (by the way, thank you Michelle for being my fist friend and making me feel better!). Well i started to be more active with P.E. class and running. Running became my love.
when i was 16, thats when boys became more important and i had never had a boyfriend and had really low self esteem. Well.... only few people know this.... and its kinda hard to publicly announce this knowing who reads my blogs but anyway... i kinda stopped eating. I would wake up for school, skip breakfast, not eat lunch at school, come home and kinda snack till i went to bed. If i did eat that day, i would feel SOOO guilty and make myself throw up. I was really sick. but i STILL thought i was soooo fat. This went on for a while of barely eating or throwing up.
this is me when i was 17, i look sad and sick huh...
nothin but bones :(
Well i got pregnant when i 17 and had another life to think of so i started eating. (i miscarried that baby probably cuz my body wasn't healthy and my blood type is B- jeff is A+. so basically if the baby's blood is positive my body thinks its a disease and fights it off). anyway, from then on i have never starved myself. i still struggled with it alot but i can honestly say today it isn't an issue at all.
anyway...to get to my point...
i have to forgive myself for waisting sooo much time being unhappy when i should have been happy. I should have been myself and been outgoing and made friends and not cared what people think. I look back on pictures and i was NOT fat. Even when i married jeff i was well past my eating disorder days and gained about 20 pounds after getting married and i thought i was so fat and chubby....i look back and OH MAN WHAT I WOULD GIVE TO GET BACK TO THAT! i waisted soooooo much time worrying over the stupidest thing!
i hear girls that are younger complaining they are SO fat and their lives revolve around working out and dieting and thinking they are fat and my heart just cries out for them! DONT DO THIS! you will realize one day and wish you could change it just like i do now... but i guess teenagers have to learn the hard way right?? haha.
anyway, sorry to make a big story out of this haha.
oh man i am nervous to post this.... :(
9 comments :
I love you! You are so strong, and over come something so hard to over come, you are GORGEOUS Christa, you look amazing, and stretchmarks don't define you, I have them from my dang legs to my stomach, I was like you at first but after 2 1/2 years, I am a lot less self concussion about them, you will see this with time. It's who you are and we have to accept it because we can't change it so have confidence with it, because then others seem to accept it that much more to.
Good Post, Thanks for sharing Christa. That took a lot to tell that.
thanks guys! ash that means alot you are so sweet.... i feel kinda dumb admitting this point in my life but its good to get it out :)
Christa your an amazingly strong person and you are absolutely beautiful i love you!!!
Christa you are amazing!! I didn't know you went through this. I did too. Boo I hated being young!! I wish I could go back and give my 16 year old self a hug or just slap myself in the face.
I think you are beautiful and you are an amazing mommy. Don't be afraid to post things because its your place to express all your feelings and emotions.
I love you schmoooookie poooooooooo
it makes me sad cuz most every girl has gone or is going through this! its so sad..i hope i can raise braylee to know that she is beautiful just the way she is and no magazine or bully in school can make her feel differently! i love you guys thanks for the kind words it makes me feel better :) your all the very bestest of friends!
You have always looked so beautiful to me. Wow, what an amazing story! So glad you started eating again, You look so beautiful! Keep up the great work. love you
Rosanne Orgill
Great post Christa! That's very brave of you to write that, thanks for sharing. I am totally with you, I sort of had weight issues before and during the times when I looked at the photos when I thought I was fat, I wasn't fat at all. Right now, I am no size ZERO anymore and I am fine, I kinda enjoy being thick and I feel healthier. :)
thanks guys :)
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