Miscarriage....?

Do not read if you are grossed out by pregnancy talk and talk of blood and such.

So, as i mentioned before, on March 7th, i started "spotting" (those of you who dont know what that is, i started bleeding a little). But it stopped. i also spotted with Braylee as 7 weeks (which was how far along i was then). Plus, if i was miscarrying, there is nothing they can do at this point in the pregnancy. Then on March 16th, i spotted again (old blood), and again on the 17th (old blood). Then on the 19th, i began getting blood every time i wiped. I couldnt help but worry.....

Well last night, on the March 20th, i felt a gush and found that i was bleeding alot. I accepted that i had lost the baby and broke down. It just isnt fair. We had been trying sense September and were so excited. I hate this! i just want a normal pregnancy with NO problems and worries.

So this morning i made an appointment to see my doctor.

They drew some blood to check my hcg levels, and then will draw more blood on thursday to see if the levels are going down or up. And if they are going up, they need to have doubled to be a normal pregnancy.

Well he also did an ultrasound but with how far along i am the doc figured he wouldnt find anything unless he did a vaginal ultrasound. So he did the belly one, and said that he didnt see a normal pregnancy. He should see a dark area and he didnt see that. So he sent me over to the hospital to have an ultrasound tech do a vaginal ultrasound and make sure i didnt have a tubal pregnancy (the baby growing in my fallopian tube).

During that ultrasound the girl wasnt allowed to tell me anything she found, she had to forward what she found to my doc and they would tell me. From what i saw..i saw a dark are in my uterus which was the gestational sac. Inside that dark area being the sac, was a white area that looked like a jelly bean. It looked weird but what do i know? Then i saw the screen go across that would normally have a heartbeat, and i didnt see the ripples that a heart beat makes, and i never heard a heart beat. Then we left to wait for my doctor to call.

An hour and a half later (i was supposed to be called in a half an hour) i just called before they closed.

So this is the final verdict....

The ultrasound tech could not determine if the pregnancy is viable or not viable. So she cant tell if ive miscarried or not. She did find a gestational pole. But that can mean a number of things. It can mean im just not nearly as far along as i should be according to my last menstrual cycle, or it means that im miscarrying.

So we wait for our blood test on thursday to see what my hcg levels say.......................

I dont know if i should stay positive or start accepting that i miscarried. I dont know if i should start praying or start grieving.....

i hate not knowing...where my pregnancy test was so faint it makes me wonder if im just not very far along or if something was going wrong from the very beginning..

ill let you know what i find out of thursday...... cross your fingers