Diary Day- Terrible two's=NO MORE KIDS!

Dear Diary,

There is only ONE thing on my mind lately, and that is how insane i am going. Everyone warned me of the terrible two's and boy they werent kidding! Even worse than that is everyone tells me age 3 is SO much worse. How can it get any worse than this?! Anything i say to her is "NOOOOOO" followed by this face----> Sometimes its hard not to laugh, but then she thinks its a game. {{sigh...}}. She screetches, falls on the floor to fake cry. She back hands, slaps, kicks, even started pinching. Counting to 3 and time outs are still working i just feel like we are ALWAYS counting to 3 and putting her on time outs. And it makes me feel like such a jerk face mom :( When we are at home its not too bad, but if we go out into public, she goes nuts. She wants to run around and bounce off the walls, and hide in clothes, and laugh and play, which is kind of cute but she is uncontrollable. If we need her to follow us to a different part of the store she will run off to hide and will throw a fit if we pick her up.

Well yesterday, Jeff was gonna be working a long day (4:30am-8:00pm to be exact..... yea......sad day). So i decided to go shopping for our family pictures this Sunday. Well when i am by myself i cant let her run around and do my shopping cuz its hard to keep an eye on her at the same time. I am SUCH a worrier of kid nappers or her running off and me loosing her. So anyway, she had to stay buckled in the cart. 15 min went by and she was still crying and screaming. I was so embarrassed i just left my cart with clothes right where it was and left the store. I put her in the car, started it and got the AC going, and got a phone call so i had to stand outside my car so i could hear them. I just wanted to cry. How sad would it be if i can no longer go out and get things done due to my child acting like the devil. I guess its partly my fault for going shopping during her nap time but that brings me to my next point of frustration...

My child will not nap. Well she eventually will but it literally takes about an hour and a half to 2 hours for her to finally pass out. She doesnt cry, she just gets up and plays with her toys, reads her books, pulls all her clothes out of her dresser, knocks at her door. She even started coming out of her room so we had to put that white cover thing on her door knob.

At first i thought it was because we took the binki away but after a few days of it i gave her her binki back just for naps. But nope, not even that helps.

With all these tantrums it makes me REALLY question if we will ever have another kid. Im sure alot of you are laughing right now cuz she will eventually grow out of this stage but i dont want to ever have to go through it again with our next kid! I had THE WORST pregnancy, the worst newborn, and it honestly scares me to go through it all again. I dont want to do the newborn stage again. And then it makes me really see how everything happens for a reason. If you are new to my blog i had a miscarriage in March. I would be having a baby in October and honestly... i dont think i could handle a second kid, let alone a newborn, with Braylee acting this way. Dont get me wrong though, i REALLY want Braylee to have a sibling. I do want ONE more child. Im just so scared. Of everything. Of getting pregnant, of STAYING pregnant (ive had 2 miscarriages), pregnancy in and of itself (i had preeclampsia) and now i have a thyroid disorder to complicate pregnancy. Im scared of the newborn stage. Im scared of having 2 kids. Just the whole works. So maybe when Braylee is 3 we will try for a second kid, that way when HE :) is born, Braylee will be almost 4 and out of these terrible 1's, 2's, and 3's stages lol.

ANYWAY.... I guess that is all for this "diary day"/vent day :)