This post wasnt intended to be religious it just is because of how i was raised and this state that i live in is KNOWN for a certain religion so it has a lot to do with what im about to talk about.
So lets start with the basics so you understand where im coming from with this post. I live in Utah. Yes the "Mormon" state. The "proper" term being Later Day Saints of the Church of Jesus Christ aka LDS. And i was raised very close to the church. And i am very proud and great full of how i was raised and of my religion.
We'll skip all the details but i guess you can say i would be considered "inactive" with the church. Just wanted to cover that so that im not perceived as "misrepresenting" the church. Whatever thats supposed to mean. Dont want to upset anyone here.
Ok now lets get to the point of this post. The BIGGEST issue with living in Utah and the BIGGEST reason for religious fall out (at least from what ive mostly heard from people who have fallen away.. and believe me, i know a lot of people who have fallen away or want nothing to do with the church because of this reason) is being JUDGED. Which is funny cuz one of the biggest things i was taught (in church) was NOT to judge.
If you are unfamiliar with the LDS religion, here is an overview of some beliefs that are a little different from other religions. Alcohol is bad, caffeine is bad, tattoos are bad, you are only allowed ONE piercing and it can ONLY be in your ear lobe. swearing is bad, shorts that are shorter than your knees are bad. Tank tops are bad, R rated movies are bad, and the list goes on. These "guidelines" were put in place for a reason and im not saying i disagree with them but obviously, in my lifetime, i haven't always abide by these guidelines nor has ANYONE. We all make mistakes.
A first impression of me, or an outside look on me from seeing my blog or FB or Twitter etc would be that i wear "immodest" clothing. I have tattoos, i have more than one piercing. I curse occasionally, i drink coffee, I dont go to church much. I might be perceived as a "partier" by looking at Halloween pictures or any other pic.
But what you dont see is that for both halloween parties i was the DD, but by looking at pic you might think i was "PARYING". You might view me a "non believer" due to my tattoos, piercing, pregnancy out of wedlock when i was 17 with my now husband, and lack of going to church but what you DONT see is that we get the Ensign (an lds magazine) sent to our house monthly and we try to ready it. We try to read a children's version of the scriptures/bible to Braylee. You might think we just hate going to church when REALLY the reason is that we are 22 and 23 and lazy and have a 2 year old that doesn't sit at church very well, she'd rather play. What you dont see is that me and Jeff want to eventually be sealed in the temple. Are we perfect? Not in the least bit but at least we are trying and have good intentions and want to do things because WE KNOW we are READY rather than just doing it because its all we know and its what we are "supposed" to do.
When me and Jeff first got married we tried to attend church in Jeff's ward and you wouldnt BELIEVE the looks we got and just the awkward vibes. Jeff had a hefty past with being a little delinquent and even a drug past. Very few came to say hi even though they all had known Jeff his whole life. We felt so low and needless to say, we stopped going. We didnt feel comfortable. When Braylee was born we wanted to get her blessed and were still new in our ward now and wanted to have her blessed at my moms church and my old ward. We had her blessed and afterward, my bishop got up in front of the whole congregation and said "although we love having others here with us, it is so important that you go to your OWN ward", bla bla. Um... what the???? Did that REALLY just happen? I was so shocked and hurt. I tried to justify it in my head and said he had the best of intentions and didnt mean it in a rude way but..... wow.
Things like that make me really sad. To know that a lot of people are missing out on such a wonderful thing such as being religious and being a member of the church because of certain people who make the decision to judge and be down right RUDE and IGNORANT. It puts a bad image on the church. And even non religious people can be judgmental on the church etc and put a bad image on "non believers". WHY do we continue this vicious cycle??
We now live 30 min from Jeff's home town and we LOVE our neighbors and our ward. We have never felt judged or out of place (if we have its due to my own worries). But what if they knew our past. Would it be different? I try not to think of it that way though. Our bishop is a REALLY sweet guy who makes us feel SOO welcome and he is so loving. He knows our past. And without hesitation said "who cares", we are moving forward. I have tears running down my face right now because from having such negative experiences the last 4 years FINALLY, finally someone who makes us feel WANTED and ACCEPTED. He never made us feel like we are bad people. I wish everyone in this world was like him.
Religion is besides the point though its just the biggest thing for me being an "inactive" LDS person. Even in a non religious way i might be viewed as a "bad person" or a "bad example" for my daughter having tattoos and such. When really i am probably the nicest most kind hearted person you'll ever meet. I accept everyone. Im nice to everyone even when i have every right to NOT be nice. I dont hold grudges, i forgive WAY too easily. I hate being on bad terms with people, like it seriously eats at me every single day. If i know someone is hurting or is sad i want to do everything i can to help, even if i dont know them. I have a huge heart and i cant help it.
My point to this post is WHY do we judge? We all have our imperfections. We all have flaws. Some are different than others and some are more or less than others. Who cares if someone isnt or is religious. Who cares if someone has tattoos, who cares if someone is gay or bisexual or whatever. Why make some feel so low or bad about themselves. Would you want to feel that way? Would you want to always be worrying what others think about you or what others will say? So why do it to others?
Im sorry if this post puts a bad image on anyone but it is what it is and as you all know, i keep it real. I stand by my religion and know its true it just breaks my heart knowing that there are people in this world that ruin people's views on other people or religions etc. Maybe we've had these experiences in our life to test ourselves. NOT saying it was God's "plan" cuz thats just absurd to say God wanted people to judge us and push us away. Just saying for ourselves, maybe its going to build us rather than break us.
Regardless of your religion i think if we are all striving to be the best we can be and love god and believe in him and try to make him happy then we have nothing to be worried about. Why would God be upset with you because you were Catholic? Why would God be upset with you because you were LDS or whatever religion? Through-out the years, yes, many different churches have formed. You really think God is going to send you to Hell just because you were raised in a certain religion and it was the "wrong" religion? I mean seriously? Get real.
Regardless of your religion i think if we are all striving to be the best we can be and love god and believe in him and try to make him happy then we have nothing to be worried about. Why would God be upset with you because you were Catholic? Why would God be upset with you because you were LDS or whatever religion? Through-out the years, yes, many different churches have formed. You really think God is going to send you to Hell just because you were raised in a certain religion and it was the "wrong" religion? I mean seriously? Get real.
Anywho, again i apologize for talking about religion i know its a really touchy subject but this is my public diary and its public because maybe there are people out there who struggle with the things i struggle with and that they might find comfort in knowing others go through the same things. That they might read this and think, wow, that's just what i needed to hear today. So take this post for what you will but please dont jeopardize me for my experiences and how i felt with my experiences.
The End. :)
17 comments :
I love this post. I also live in Utah and grew up LDS, idk if you've ever read my blog? But I got pregnant when I was 19 and single. Everyone was nice and sweet when I was considering adoption but as soon as I chose to single parent I couldn't believe how rude people where. Some of the comments still make me shudder. Needless to say I don't go much anymore.. I wish I wasn't so worried what everyone was saying becuase I do love the gospel and things it teaches... silly people :S Thanks for writing this!
I like your post. I agree that it is important to go to a church that makes you feel welcome. Every religion has different ways of worshiping God and while I am baptist I am who I am and know that God loves me for being me as long as I follow his word and try and show a good example for others and lead my family in Gods direction. Sorry some leave such negative comments. Every religion is different, everyone should recognize that.
I knew when i posted this that even though i asked not to be jeopardized, i still would be. Its all good. I can handle it.. otherwise i wouldnt be a public blogger :) Thank you for those of you that have kind words :)
Just like i said in this post. Why judge?? Im not judging you or your religion so why judge me or my religion. That comment right there is epitomizing WHY i posted this. So thanks :)
Christa, I do not know you personally, but you do seem like a geniune person. I am so sorry to hear the way that you've been treated. God is so good, and He loves you for who you are, no matter what anyone else may say. As long as you know that and you believe in Him and love Him too and are trying to live a life according to His will, that's all that matters. Just pray and ask for His guidance and He will lead you in the direction that He would have you go.
Our religion is perfect. It's the people who are not perfect. It will never change, people will never stop judging, we just have to be proud of the choices we make even if they mean we have to fall to get back up again. You are loved and I enjoy your blog. Religious or not the person you are is who I like. You should have seen all the judment that went on when I posted my Halloween Pictures...and I am what's considered ACTIVE...people people..I think back on how when I used to dance and perform, those were the type of outfits I wore...Halloween is like another production for me ;)
I do agree that we shouldn't "judge". I am not religious, I am a Christian. And to me there is a HUGE difference. Being religious is following a set of rules hoping you'll be "good" enough to make it to Heaven and that's not what true Christianity is about. But I think everyone these days is too quick to say that they are being judged. Sure, there are people who judge in a wrong "look down their nose" kinda way. But to judge something is to size it up and deem it acceptable or not. Not I "judge" daily whether things are right or wrong for me and my family. I feel like too many say they are being judged mainly because they don't want to step up and be better then they are. So we say we're being judged and hide out from anyone that would except more out of us then what we are giving. It saddens me that so many people base their views on Christianity or "religion" by what they see others do. As Christians we are to look to God as our example not those who falsely portray who God really is and what He would have us be.....
Yea i really didnt mean for this post to go in a religious way, it just did because i talked about my experiences.
i wasnt meaning to down talk the lds religion, like i said, im proud of it even though some people are ignorant.
you'll find ignorant people in all religions, races, cultures, non religions, whatever.
I was merely just talking about my experiences with feeling the hurt of being judged.
Great post! Please send me your email I need to add you as I've made my personal a private blog, :)
Just remember the people don't make the church and it's OK to feel the way you do, esp if you don't have a supportive ward/people surrounding you etc. I've been there done that esp. as a convert to the church. Thanks for sharing!!
It is so sad that people judge. I made huge mistakes when I was younger. I was judged by all types of people. My mom had me incredibly young and my family wasn't active growing up. I had a lot of people be really mean to me. Saying very hurtful things because it didn't match their up bringing. At one point it brought this horrible attitude about how "The Church" was full of judgmental people. I am now back into the church, about to go through the temple. I try my hardest not to judge others. I always keep in my head that I need to be the kind of LDS person that people need to see. Now that I am back I HAVE to remember there will ALWAYS be judgmental people. Always. Whether they are straight, gay, black, white, rich, poor, LDS, Jewish - whatever, people will always judge. I just have to try my hardest not to. I also have to remember that certain members do NOT make the Church and that judging the Church by certain members IS judging. I don't think the church looks at tattoos as BAD, sure they aren't out there saying ok today everyone get tattoos, but they aren't going to shun you for having them - again some members might, but not the church. My husband has one and I know so many others with them. They don't think shorts above the knee are bad, they just suggest modest clothing - I see a lot of LDS girls wearing short shorts, just not the ones that are endowed. I am with you that everyone needs to stop judging each other. (: I dont judge other religions and I dont think others should judge other religions either!
I'm probably totally unwelcome here because of the comment I am about to leave, but it amused me to see that the second comment on a blog entitled "Thou Shalt Not Judge" was from someone saying "MY God is the ONLY one, true God" and basically you are probably going to hell if you don't believe if that one commenter's one true god. Oh, brother... So many people have died and killed over that one brazen sentiment.
Christa...I don't comment on anyone's blog so get ready to feel special, ok probably not. I just have to say that I too was raised LDS, when I was about 15-16 I decided that wasn't the life I wanted to live anymore, not because of judgement or anything, but, I guess you could say that I hadn't "gained my own testimony" yet. After a few years and meeting Neily Poo, my life changed, I was married in the temple and I am now an active LDS. Hurtful things are said by everyone, LDS or not, I have even had things that should hurt me said to me...I'll have to tell you that story sometime.
I could have even been offended by LaBuervenich Photography's comment,but because she knows so little about my religion I chose not to be offended. Why be offended by someone who doesn't even know how to spell prophet, or doesn't know about our basic teachings so much so that she thinks we believe we can gain perfection in this life?
Sorry, tangent, what I'm trying to get at is that I have been taught by my parents that to be offended is your own choice, because the majority of the time people don't mean to offend you, and if they do, they're not worth your time.
I love you Christa, I know Neil has told Jeff he would save him a spot in church, but we're terrible and seem to love to be late to church lately, but come and sit by us! We aren't even in Primary anymore so we can keep you company during Sunday School...we're pretty excited about it.
@Ace, everyone is welcome here its all good.. i apologize on "labuervenich photography's" behalf, what she said was rude, judgmental, and out of line and im sorry if she offended anyone.
But what can you do.
Everyone else, thank you for your kind words, like i said, i stand by my religion itself there are just some people, as with any religion or non religion, that make life a little bit more confusing and difficult lol.
Everyone is entitled to their own views on life and how they live and i think we should all just love each other and have peace with each other rather than ridicule and scrutinize and say hateful things. :)
I love your blog, :) I don't even have a blog and I check yours on a regular basis! I have had some of the same experiences that you have had, example: I haven't taken the sacrament for about 3 years, I know the blessings that I am missing out on, but I don't want to take it until I am ready and have the strong testimony I know is possible. Anyways I had one of my leaders literally come up to me and ask why I hadnt been taking the sacrament. Umm what the...?? I was speechless. Needless to say, I feel like once you can experience the LDS church some where else you find a different love for it. The church I go to here in Seattle, the people are so genuinely happy to see you there, you see people in street clothes, piercings, tattoos, ect. and they are treated the exact same way. It is truly amazing. I feel Utah county kind of gets caught up in the hoop'd'loo of "the right mormon" sometimes, and that is where the judgment starts to happen.
Vivian is right, the LDS church is perfect, NOT the people. And if you choose to have tattoos & dress immodestly, that's not for anyone to judge. It's for Heavenly Father to judge.
I swear, we have been through so much of the same garbage in life. I was not raised LDS, but the church atmosphere I grew up in was very similar - and when I decided not to marry a Baptist, and married a Catholic the whole church, my friends, my family went ape shiz, and everybody pretty much dumped me and turned their backs on me and judged me. Just because I was 21, and no one thought I could think for myself. Here we are 12 years later, and happy, and doing what we know is right. No, I'm not the most "faithful" person church-wise. But, I think something happens to you when the church hurts you in such a way. You try to move on - and we have - but you never forget that deep hurt and judgment. I think you post was very well written, and with the best of intentions. I can 100% relate to everything you said. xoxoxo
Wow - it seems like a lot of people judge you where you live. I don't know, I live in Australia, but I'd say we are way more relaxed about religion. Most people do not belive in God, or if they do they do not regularly attend church, but from my experience you aren't judged for what you choose to do. Also, Muslims and Islam believers are a lot more accepted - probably since we didnt suffer the terrorism the USA did so there isnt that stigma. Anyway, just my 2 cents. I don't believe there is a God but im very happy for anyone who thinks there is, except for people like ' LaBuervenich Photography' who feel the need to claim others are 'wrong' and they are absolutely definitely right. No one KNOWS what is out there. There is No Actual Proof. So just believe what you want to believe but let others do the same.
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