Today.
Was my baby's due date.
October 20th, 2011.
If you are new to my blog, i got pregnant in the beginning of February
(right around valentines day)
and miscarried on March 23rd.
(read about it {{HERE}} ).
My heart is aching today.
For an entire month and a half i was overjoyed and so excited to be pregnant. We had been trying for quite some time and FINALLY we got the positive test. There is just this overwhellming feeling when you are pregnant (at least in the beginning before all the misery sets in lol). To know you are carrying a child. Its so special. And to have that ripped from you is really hard.
To make matters worse, you are constantly getting poked, blood taken, ultrasounds, cramps. The docs keep saying, we just have to wait for the baby to pass on its own and if that doesnt happen we will go from there. Wait what? You mean i have to deal with seeing my baby in the toilet?
March 23rd was a really hard day. There are no words to decribe the pain of very distinctly SEEING your dead baby. Seeing very clearly that that is your baby. It was developed enough to tell very clearly. The first time i miscarried i didnt have to see that.
Its so crazy to think that i COULD be having a baby right now. I COULD be holding my sweet child in my arms and see their sweet face. I try to think positive. Like MAYBE it just wasnt the right time. MAYBE i couldnt handle 2 kids at this point in our life. MAYBE we have other things we need to accomplish before we have another baby.
I am scared to try for another baby but i definately want Braylee to have a sibbling somewhere down the road. I dont know when that time will be.
Tody is kind of a blur.
I dont understand why things turned out the way they have but one day i will. I just have to trust in Gods plan for us.
I have 2 babies looking down on me, waiting for me to return home.
And mommy cant wait to kiss your sweet faces and hold you in my arms once again.
Ill be holding Braylee extra tight today.
Ill be holding Braylee extra tight today.
30 comments :
I don't understand the pain but I'm so so sorry for your loss. I remember reading your past last march and crying for you. I love your strength even when you feel you have none. I can imagine that today will be a really rough one - we're keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.
I'm sorry love. I pray that God will be with you today and make you feel comforted. You are absolutely right God has a plan for every single one of our lives. Sometimes it's really hard to understand why things happen but just trust he knows what He is doing. He has fabulous plans for your family. Sending lots of hugs to you & your family today
This touched my heart... deep inside my heart because I too have also had two misscarriages. I also think on the positive side (or try to) telling myself thoes same things but on the day that they were due or on the day that I misscarried each of them I relive it... no matter how long it has been. So I send you strength today and everyday!
Never forget them for they are your babies, and someday you will see them again.
aw lady - my heart is with you today.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for you. I have never felt that kind of pain, so I don't fully understand how much it hurts.
Keep your head up, and try to take it easy today. Lots of love.
Oh my gosh. I don't even know what to say but that I'm so sorry and I'm thinking of you. :-(
Praying for you today, sweet girl! Yes, give Braylee some extra lovin' today and find comfort in knowing that you will see those sweet babies in Heaven some day!
xoxoxoxoxo
Im am really sorry for your loss, You will be in my prayers and thoughts today. I know its hard to see any reasoning as to why this happened to you but god has a plan for all of us, you may not know now but you will one day. Keep your head up and stay strong for your beautiful little girl!
I am sorry for your loss. I was not following your blog then but I can definitely relate to what you are going through. My thoughts are with you today.
HUG* I am so sorry. I remember reading that post and crying for you. I pray for you.
i will be thinking about you today. ::hug::
I'm sorry you had to go through this. You are strong and this will only make you STRONGER
I am so sorry, I'll be thinking about you today. I don't know what it is like to miscarry, but I do know what it is like to want a child so badly and not being able to have one. You're in my prayers today.
Christa, I'm sorry you are hurting so much today. There is nothing I can say that can take that pain away. But I do understand your loss, pain, and deep desires you have for your children. I hope you can find comfort in knowing that you're not alone. I'm gunna be praying for your girl! (John 14:27"
I can't imagine how rough today must be for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I don't believe any words can make you feel better or ease the pain, but, maybe hugging that gorgeous Baby Girl of yours will give you the strength you need on a day like today. ::Hugs::
I'm so sorry sweetie. Take comfort in your family today and know that your followers will all be thinking of you. {{{{{cyber HUGS}}}}}}}
I definitely got all choked up reading this. I have never felt that kind of pain, but I have friends who have, and my own mother.
My thoughts are with you today. <3
You are a strong woman. Know that.
<333 xoxo.
gah, so sorry....just hearing about it is painful...i can only imagine what you are feeling. yes, trust that god has a plan for you :)
stay strong!
[oomph.]
That has to be so tough! I can't even imagine. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you. Try to keep positive and keep your head up!
It is a horrible thing and Im sorry you had to deal with it.
My sister lost her baby the day before mothers day in 2010. She was so miserable. Exactly a year from the day she lost the baby, she gave birth to my beautiful niece, which was pretty amazing and coincidental.
We never can understand why bad things happen, but maybe its for a reason. It will happen again when the time is right.
I'm very sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage in July (first pregnancy) and I took it better than I thought I would but I keep thinking of how big my stomach would be by now and we would know what we would be having and it does hurt. I keep wondering how I will feel on the should have been due date. Praying for your heart.
I'm so sorry that you went through that. No one should have to. I'm thinking of you today and sending a prayer.
Don't have any words to say how much this touched me. Sorry seems so inadequate. Praying and thinking of you. Give yourself a hug from me. Moms need hugs too!
Christa, I can't imagine how hard both of your losses have been. My heart hurts for you, but you are right, you are so lucky to have a beautiful healthy daughter.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am new to your blog so I didn't know about this until today. I have never dealt with a miscarriage, so I have not experienced your pain, but my heart is aching for you. I pray the Lord will continue to wrap you in His loving arms and bring you comfort.
Christa, I know I am a little late reading this, but I am so sorry to hear that yesterday would have been your due date. I can not even imagine how you have been feeling! I'm really, really sorry that you had to experience that loss. Stay strong momma, you are an amazing person, and you can get through anything! {big hug} sweetie! I am thinking of you!
♥ Kyna
Big hugs to you and your family sweets, I can't imagine. xoxoxo
Big hugs to you and your family sweets, I can't imagine. xoxoxo
Oh honey my heart breaks for you. I cant imagine the pain you must be feeling. I had a "bleeding episode" when I was pregnant with my youngest son (now 13). I was about 5 or 6 weeks along when it happened. I was so scared I was losing my baby. I cried for hours. The bleeding didnt last long and was considered "normal" for the stage of pregnancy I was in. I dont care what Doctors say,to the pregnant woman bleeding during pregnancy isnt normal! Due to gestational diabetes and pregnancy induced hypertension I was on total bed rest for the last 4 and a half months of my pregnancy. Needless to say , I gained 75 pounds! But I thank God my son was born healthy. We both liked to have died at his birth due to a very severe case of toxemia caused by the PIH. Due to all of the issues I went through my doctor told me I needed to have a tubal ligation. He said that I and or a baby wouldn't live through another pregnancy. So with a very heavy heart I had the tubal. I've had my regretful moments but I don't think I could take losing a baby. So my heart breaks so badly for you honey. Dont give up. Give it to God & his will will be done. Sorry for the long winded post. =)
I lost my 3rd baby to miscarriage back in April and the due date was just the other day, Nov. 17. Then I miscarried my 4th baby just a couple of months ago. I know the pain and suffering. It is so hard. I am reluctant to try again because I don't want to go through it yet again. Please know you are not alone.
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