Watch Me Drown

Im here for you now, I'm here for you always.

ill be the light, when its dark down the hallways.

when you fall down, ill be there to lift you up.

no matter the time, the place, ill always show up.

But what happens when I fall & im down on my face.

im reaching for help but to you, im just a disgrace.

everyone has their own issues and life gets hard.

so no one can be there for me when im falling apart.

I set my shit aside when you need a hand or a ride.

but when Im calling out for help, im ignored & set aside.

"life is so busy, im working on me"

well fuck all the times I fixed you & ruined me.

I take on your pain and share your weight.

but when im down and out, all I get from you is a closed gate.

I care so much, ill be there any day.

im always there no matter the price I pay

the strong is there for the weak,

but the weak run away when the strong has comfort to seek.

its all fun and games till life gets real.

you're not capable to help someone heal.

take it away, I don't want this pain.

im tired of you draining me for your own gain.

take it all away., I don't want to feel anymore.

I can't fight anymore and im closing the door.

im bruised and im broken.

im drained and im hopin'

but wishing upon a star only get you so far

the ones you need are self centered and bizarre.

we all have a past, that's life man, it sucks.

but your's seems to be so much more important & you give no fucks.

so why do I destroy myself to help those who can't return the favor.

I guess that's my demise, a burden ill forever savor.

what's my purpose in life?

to heal and help those in strife?

only to be tossed aside as they watch me end my life?

Nobody cares, they're self centered all too often.

until shit gets real and their friend ends up in a coffin.

Nobody cares until its too late.

So what's the point, might as well set the date.

A date with a God who promises more.

an afterlife that's grand, pain free and pure.

Do I continue to give my all to help this human race?

when in return all I get is spit In my face.

Loneliness is heavy, it consumes my mind.

when all I really want is a friend to find.

a friend who won't judge me.

a friend who cares.

a friend who will be there when my demons block my prayers

you type the words and say I can reach out to you

but truth be told, when it comes down to realness, you never come through.

when im weak and lost.

you're heart turns to frost.

is this even real?

should I take another pill?

Does real people even exist?

Or is it all just a myth?

truth be told, the real people are suffering.

While the heartless and cruel, are relishing & covering.

Covering their lies, their intensions and selfish gain.

While the good hearted people, suffer and endure pain.

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-Christa Cox

written 1/29/19