Watch Me Drown

Im here for you now, I'm here for you always.

ill be the light, when its dark down the hallways.

when you fall down, ill be there to lift you up.

no matter the time, the place, ill always show up.

But what happens when I fall & im down on my face.

im reaching for help but to you, im just a disgrace.

everyone has their own issues and life gets hard.

so no one can be there for me when im falling apart.

I set my shit aside when you need a hand or a ride.

but when Im calling out for help, im ignored & set aside.

"life is so busy, im working on me"

well fuck all the times I fixed you & ruined me.

I take on your pain and share your weight.

but when im down and out, all I get from you is a closed gate.

I care so much, ill be there any day.

im always there no matter the price I pay

the strong is there for the weak,

but the weak run away when the strong has comfort to seek.

its all fun and games till life gets real.

you're not capable to help someone heal.

take it away, I don't want this pain.

im tired of you draining me for your own gain.

take it all away., I don't want to feel anymore.

I can't fight anymore and im closing the door.

im bruised and im broken.

im drained and im hopin'

but wishing upon a star only get you so far

the ones you need are self centered and bizarre.

we all have a past, that's life man, it sucks.

but your's seems to be so much more important & you give no fucks.

so why do I destroy myself to help those who can't return the favor.

I guess that's my demise, a burden ill forever savor.

what's my purpose in life?

to heal and help those in strife?

only to be tossed aside as they watch me end my life?

Nobody cares, they're self centered all too often.

until shit gets real and their friend ends up in a coffin.

Nobody cares until its too late.

So what's the point, might as well set the date.

A date with a God who promises more.

an afterlife that's grand, pain free and pure.

Do I continue to give my all to help this human race?

when in return all I get is spit In my face.

Loneliness is heavy, it consumes my mind.

when all I really want is a friend to find.

a friend who won't judge me.

a friend who cares.

a friend who will be there when my demons block my prayers

you type the words and say I can reach out to you

but truth be told, when it comes down to realness, you never come through.

when im weak and lost.

you're heart turns to frost.

is this even real?

should I take another pill?

Does real people even exist?

Or is it all just a myth?

truth be told, the real people are suffering.

While the heartless and cruel, are relishing & covering.

Covering their lies, their intensions and selfish gain.

While the good hearted people, suffer and endure pain.

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-Christa Cox

written 1/29/19

Friendships Have Faded Out...

Ive had this draft saved away for quite some time.

as mentioned in my last post.. I've taken a new path in life.

I've changed.

But i kinda wanted to shed some light on the dark place i was at in my life.

I never posted this cuz i didn't want to feel like i was having a pity party..

But now that I'm in a better place, i wanted to post it to maybe inspire someone to make the changes in their life to get out of their dark place, like i have done :)

Ok.

Here it is.

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I have so much to say but there is something blocking the way.
The actuality that people don't care...
the pain and hurt is filling the air.
Curiosity and interest doesn't suffice for genuine concern,
This is a cold hard lesson i am trying to learn.

Ya'll complain about this and that,
but what you don't realize is you're closing the door for a good friend chit chat..
"People are so negative" "People are so lame"..
Where are the friendships? When did this turn into a game?
 
We see when our friends are crying for help and when they are in pain
but instead of reaching out, we post a status bashing negative people and put them to shame.

I shut my eyes and try to see clear.
But the pain and the drama is always ringing in my ear.
Quality relationships are going down hill
Everyone has gone fake, no friendships are REAL

Hypocrisy and double standards, people are so whack
They ask so much but yet aren't willing to give back
One cannot simply DO what they would want in return
one cannot realize to get what they want, they them self must EARN!

a society of disrespect, ignorance and TAKE
no wonder its this life that is causing my heart to break.
Facebook and internet is how we communicate
i can't even get my friends to join me on a lunch date!

Something isn't right so we turn to the bottle, or a pill
but what we don't consider is that is our soul we are starting to kill

Everyone is so busy, no one has time
we can't even support each other at the drop of a dime
Everyone is worried about themselves and their own problems
that they can't even take the time to help others and their problems!

Dont you think that if we took the time to help and reach out
our own sorrows and pains would start to diminish and fade out?

Everyone is so sad, tired, stuck and feeling alone
but yet when i try to help them, i can't even get them on the phone!

"Hey hows it going? Can i give you a call?"
"no lets text and email.. i have no time at all"
We are losing so much value in QUALITY interaction
our kids will indeed suffer due to all the nonsense and distraction.

We live in a world that seems so deranged
my biggest questions, is Will it ever change?

Indeed it CAN, the world can become anew
but the fact of the matter... is that is starts, with YOU!