Showing posts with label Miscarriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Miscarriage. Show all posts

Monday, October 8, 2018

Depression || Truth & Help



Sharing my life struggles and tips to help others going through similar stuff.

Depression is BAD now a days. SO many are effected.

Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Support Groups: 
-https://www.facebook.com/groups/1611863342453145/
-https://www.facebook.com/groups/anxietysupport4u/






My Email: Chrissyann336@yahoo.com
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FITNESS CHANNEL:
https://www.youtube.com/user/chrissya...

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Surgery Stuff

**Here is a link to my Fb Closed Group!**
You must be FEMALE, had or having plastic surgery, then MESSAGE ME on fb to join!

Mommy Makeover/ Cosmetic Surgery Group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/95255...

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Social Media:
Snapchat: ChristaCox3
Blog: http://christanncox.blogspot.com/
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Vine: Christa Cox

Links to videos you might like!

*WeightLoss Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_8fC6...
*Truth About PP Bodies Blog Post: http://christanncox.blogspot.com/2013...
*WHY im getting a tummy tuck: http://www.christanncox.blogspot.com/...

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Thought I Lost My Baby....

So here is the post ive been meaning to post about our scary weekend!
So on Sunday, June 24th, i had a really chill day (after a stressful busy weekend). I did a bridal shoot in the evening which went perfect! Then i came home and relaxed with my husband and watched a movie! He had the following day off work so it was really nice. Just an all around great day.

(WARNING.. GRAPHIC CONTENT)

Later that night, marital activies were happening (sorry i have to explain that part). I stood up, it was dark, and something didnt feel right. I felt REALLY wet, like something was running down my legs. I told Jeff to turn on the light to make sure it wasnt blood... when the lights came on, it was like a murder scene. Blood was running out of me and my hand was POOLED with blood. I started shaking and i think the first thing that came out of my mouth was "Noooooo". I went to the toilet and blood was literally STREAMING out of me. Not kinda drizzling... STREAMING. Jeff called 911. I was shaking and bawling hysterically and all i could say was "No". I was so certain that i was loosing my son. I think from there i went into shock. Its all kind of a daze. Jeff was on the phone with 911 for a good 2 minutes and that entire time blood was streaming out of me. 
Then dispatch had jeff lay me on the floor. I think that's when the bleeding stopped. I didnt know what was going on but i guess Jeff was instructed to look for a head (like maybe i was delivering). How scary that moment had to have been for Jeff im not sure, but i can only imagine.
The ambulance came, i was started on an I.V. I could hardly walk i was so dizzy and out of it. Jeff took Braylee to my sister who lives 5 minutes away, and when i got to the hospital, Jeff was already there and ran to my side. I dont know what i would have done with out him!
 When we got to labor and delivery, so many things were running through my head.
Was i about to meet my lifeless son? Was i going to have to deliver my baby only to say good bye to him? Was there any glimmer of hope that if i had to deliver him that he would be able to survive?

But then the unexpected happened..
They hooked me up to the little monitor machine... and instantly... found a strong, healthy heartbeat.
I really wasnt expecting that.
I kept doubting what was happening, expecting things to turn for the worse. But the more time that went by and baby was perfect, the more i relaxed and got this overwhelming feeling that everything was going to be ok. It also helped to have my amazing husband keeping me positive and holding my hand :)


 We stayed in the hospital all night while they monitored Baiden and did some blood work on me to try to figure out what happened. In the morning we were told me needed an ultrasound before we could get any decisions of what happened and why. We had to wait for an opening and pretty much waited all day.

One POSSIBILITY of my bleeding was that im RH- and Jeff is RH+. Basically when the mom's blood type is negative and the father's is positive, if the baby has positive blood type, the mom's body will see the baby as a disease or sickness and will try to fight it off. Not always, but it can. 
Thats why ive had miscarriages in the past. BUT they have a shot called Rhogam, so if you start bleeding, you get a Rhogam shot and your body should stop fighting off baby. So while waiting for the ultrasound, i got my Rhogam shot. 
 Braylee came to visit :)
 We finally got in for the ultrasound and it went amazing. 
The specialist was impressed at how great Baiden was growing and perfectly developing.
They mostly were wanting to check my placenta and cervix to see if there was any obvious signs of why i was bleeding like placenta previa (placenta covers the cervix, which is not good) , or a placental abruption (placenta pulls away from the uterin wall.. very bad). BUT my placenta was very healthy and close to my cervix but not covering it at all! Then they checked to make sure my cervix wasnt dialated etc and that too was great!
To be on the safe side, the specialist ordered some steriod shots IN CASE this happened again. Also any time with heavy bleeding, it puts you at risk for pre-term labor. Although my cervix looked great and didnt show any signs to point to preterm labor, she just wanted to be safe.
 Even though everything was looking good, my doctor wanted me to stay another night at the hospital due to the amount of blood i had lost. Just to be cautious and monitor baby and all that jazz.
So Jeff went and got Braylee and things we'd need, we ate hobo dinners at the hospital (yes i know, we are awesome) and had a sleepover! Braylee did so good.
 Later that night (yes the time on the clock is correct..11:30om haha) 2 of my amazing friends came to bring me cookies, flowers, and many laughs! They seriously know how to brighten my day! It meant so so much to me that they came to support, show love, and comfort me with SUCH a scary incident! Love you Nikki and Felicia!
 In the morning i got a little worried when i started having little contractions (blue line) and baby's heart started to take some dips (red line). His normal heart rate is 145 ish and it kept dipping to like 89 ish. But the nurses kept assuring me it was ok and normal for a 23 weeks baby who is still small and moves around a lot. 
Out of all the many possibilities of why i might have bled, the only one that kinda made the most sense of why i bled was the sex. The cervix is very vascular. BUT the amount of blood just didnt add up. But thats what the docs went with haha. 
We were released a 12:40pm on Tuesday and BOY was i glad to be out of there!
(i love finding notes on my car from my friends :)
My release terms was a few days of bedrest.. followed by 2 weeks of NO exercise, no sex, nothing that raises my heart rate too much. I cant be in the heat for too long, and the list goes on. I cant even have a full bladder lol. Then in 2 weeks i have a doc appt and we will re-evaluate.
We had to go BACK to the hospital at 5pm for my last steroid shot and all i can say is that BEST be the last time i have to go to the hospital till OCTOBER! 
You hear that Baiden?? OCTOBER! :)
October 1st i will be 37 weeks.. thats the soonest that ill be ok to deliver him :)

Mommy and Daddy love you so much my beautiful, strong, amazing son!
Yes we are anxious to meet you, but seriously, we CAN and WILL wait till October :)

Monday, February 27, 2012

Motivation Mondays! {Pregnancy&Fitness}

Today im doing a little pregnancy talk, showing the belly, and MOST importantly,
talk about happiness DURING weight loss!
And the importance your emotions play in life in general, but mostly fitness.

Here is the video i was talking about.
And here is the comparison picture i said i would post
 Again..
How is this even POSSIBLE?! My thyroid is still good, B/P good, Ive continued working out and have NOT gained ANY weight. Farther along? twins? bloated? Im assuming bloated but WOW haha. Either way, i like it cuz it reminds me im good and pregnant. Last pregnancy i was never bloated, never felt prego. We are going good :)

Look at them babies!
Im continuing to work out. Ive talked to my doctor and she said i can continue doing what i was doing as long as i feel comfortable. So im doing Jillian Micheals "ripped in 30" still, but i only do it about 4 days a week now instead of 6 days a week. Im still wanting to take it easy for now, but stay healthy.

Health and fitness is so important!
Even during pregnancy.

Join me every monday if you need some motivation :)

Vote daily if you will :)
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Saturday, February 18, 2012

Braylee Has Something To Tell You.........



I contemplated on announcing this so soon, but i decided im NOT going to have any bad thoughts this pregnancy. ONLY positive thoughts! Besides ill have to explain why my motivation monday weight loss/Watch me shrink vids will no longer be watch me shrink haha.

So its been almost a year that i had my miscarriage...
(find post ---> here )

The last time i found out i was pregnant, the test was VERY faint. I didnt feel pregnant at all. The test was the only thing that was telling me i was pregnant.

This time, i knew i was prego before i even took the test! My boobs were sore, ive been getting nauseated, my lower abs area has been feeling weird. Kinda tight and queezy, like butterflies almost (no its not the baby moving lol). But what REALLY let me know was my blood pressure has been higher. I climb stairs and my pulse in my neck is SO intense. (i REALLY hope i dont have blood pressure problems again). And in my last 2 vlogs, my face looked fuller haha. Im serious!

Im feeling good about this pregnancy. My thyroid has been under control sense November (that why we were waiting to get prego). I have my negative blood type but i found a NORMAL doctor who gives the Rhogam shot if i start bleeding (my old doc WOULD NOT give me the shot before 20 weeks). 

I feel really safe and comforted about this pregnancy.
ALSO, it usually takes us a good 3+ months to get prego once we start trying, this time we got prego on our first try! Im feeling REALLY good :)
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So i dont go to my doctor till 10 weeks but according to my last period, im 5 weeks, and the estimated due date is OCT 21ST, 2012

Whats crazy, is my last due date was October 2oth 2011.

We couldnt be more excited.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Have A Merry Christmas???? (& Christmas Decor)


Is it really Christmas already? It does NOT feel like Christmas is a week away. It doesnt even feel like Christmas at all to be honest! I dont know if it just came way too fast, or the fact that we have NO snow. I dont even know. But the fact of the matter is.... im not ready for Christmas.

I guess i  have this notion that Christmas is supposed to be snowy and cheery and filled with love and magic and family and friends. Reindeer are supposed to flying around outside while frosty the snow man sits outside my window waving to me. Not to mention that tall elf named Buddy making me candy cane, candy corn, syrup cover spaghetti every single morning! WHERE IS MY BUDDY?!

As this year is coming to an end... all i have to say is im NOT a fan of 2011. Too many shizzy things happened.
I got diagnosed with Hypothyroidism, lost my sweet baby in my belly, lost some friends, got caught up in my bubble that i didnt realize the world around me was fading. It seems like everything around me is falling apart.

Am i the object of all my issues? Am i to blame for this world of shame?

What i mean by this is we all choose our own happiness. Things happen in life, bad and good, and we have FULL power to choose how we react to these things in life. WE choose how it effects us. We cant control what others do or how others treat us. We cant always control events in life. But we CAN control how much we lets things get to us.

But while everything around me falls apart, 
the things that matter MOST in life are holding strong 
and that is my family.


Even though this year brought some not so wanted drama, we have had A LOT of ups! My thyroid medication is FINALLY (after 9 months) on. I am finally loosing weight. Mine and Jeffs relationship has never been stronger. We have a healthy, smart, baby girl who brings us such joy! We hope to one day add to our family, we just arent sure yet. We got to take an AMAZING (and MUCH needed) vacation. I am SOO incredibly blessed to have such an amazing big family surrounding me. Both my side, and Jeff's side. We ALWAYS know our family and support system is there for us. No matter what other drama comes into our life, our family is the ONE thing that never gives up on us, never treats us poorly, and always welcomes us with open arms. I am SO privileged to be able to stay home with my baby girl. I am SO BLESSED to be able to babysit the little girls i babysit. They are such sweet spirits that bring SO much joy to my life. I would do anything for those little girls. Im able to do what i love and capture precious moments in life and put them in photographic form. Its truly my passion.


I was feeling kinda down during this Christmas season and thats why i started this blog post but after my "positive" paragraph, 2011 didnt seem so bad at all! Its amazing what keeping positive can do. As i said before, we CHOOSE our happiness.

So on that note, lets make some cheers, some vows, to live this next year to the fullest! Dont let people bring you down. Dont let worldly things effect us. CHEERS to being the BEST we can be! Focus on the positive, strive for your goals, and NEVER let go of the good things in life :)

On to some Christmas Decor!

This year i wanted to switch things up a bit and we got a white Christmas tree!
Good thing cuz its not looking like we are going to have a white Christmas.

Our marriage ornament. 

Who has "accent" colors for their tree???
Oh just me. haha!

Braylee's newborn ornament and our family ornament
Stocking! (and mine and Jeff's childhood stockings)


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DONT FORGET TO MAKE A VID FOR VLOGGING VEDNESDAYS!
(see vlogging tab under header for details)
This weeks theme is "if you could do something special for Christmas (realistic or not) what would it be?"

Thursday, October 20, 2011

I'd Be Having a Baby Today.....

Today.

Was my baby's due date.
October 20th, 2011.

If you are new to my blog, i got pregnant in the beginning of February
(right around valentines day)
and miscarried on March 23rd.
(read about it {{HERE}} ).

My heart is aching today.
For an entire month and a half i was overjoyed and so excited to be pregnant. We had been trying for quite some time and FINALLY we got the positive test. There is just this overwhellming feeling when you are pregnant (at least in the beginning before all the misery sets in lol). To know you are carrying a child. Its so special. And to have that ripped from you is really hard.

To make matters worse, you are constantly getting poked, blood taken, ultrasounds, cramps. The docs keep saying, we just have to wait for the baby to pass on its own and if that doesnt happen we will go from there. Wait what? You mean i have to deal with seeing my baby in the toilet?

March 23rd was a really hard day. There are no words to decribe the pain of very distinctly SEEING your dead baby. Seeing very clearly that that is your baby. It was developed enough to tell very clearly. The first time i miscarried i didnt have to see that.

Its so crazy to think that i COULD be having a baby right now. I COULD be holding my sweet child in my arms and see their sweet face. I try to think positive. Like MAYBE it just wasnt the right time. MAYBE i couldnt handle 2 kids at this point in our life. MAYBE we have other things we need to accomplish before we have another baby.

I am scared to try for another baby but i definately want Braylee to have a sibbling somewhere down the road. I dont know when that time will be.

Tody is kind of a blur.

I dont understand why things turned out the way they have but one day i will. I just have to trust in Gods plan for us.

I have 2 babies looking down on me, waiting for me to return home.

And mommy cant wait to kiss your sweet faces and hold you in my arms once again.

Ill be holding Braylee extra tight today.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

BIPOLAR 7 stages of grief....

Is it normal to have bipolar stages of grief??
I feel like i am constantly bouncing back and forth between disbelief, anger, acceptance etc after my miscarriage...
[if you are a new reader..i had a miscarriage at 10 weeks]

If you are unfamiliar with the stages, here they are:

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-

You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.



As you have probably read in previous posts at first i was just angry..in disbelief. Then i made a plan of being healthier and felt optimistic about waiting for our time to come. Now i am mostly stuck in this depression stage but i feel bipolar with it. I bounce back between anger and depression and denial.
I seriously get these thought of.. "What if im still pregnant?!" "But Christa you SAW the baby when it came out.. the baby is gone... get over it" "Well what if there were twins?!" "Really Christa??" "What if you for some crazy reason you miscarried, and ovulated before you knew you for sure miscarried" (the baby looked about 6 weeks along and i miscarried at 10 weeks) "Christa now you are getting ridiculous.....". YES I TALK TO MYSELF IN MY HEAD. lol

Then i get angry. Why me?! WHY IS EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG PREGNANT???!!! it makes it so much harder :(. I already had a miscarriage...WHY AGAIN??!

But im mostly depressed. I feel like im in this fog. I have a friend (whom i love dearly and i am sooo excited for her.. do not take this the wrong way i am so stoked for her and could not be happier for her). We had almost the exact same due date. Every time i see her baby ticker or her adorable little bump i cant help but think... im supposed to be at that point. im supposed to have a bump. Im supposed to be sharing this experience with her. I still have people ask me how far along i am not or they predict what my baby will be. A lady from work keeps telling me "oh you are having a boy cuz you are gaining no weight at all", Its like a knife every time reminding me that my baby is gone. Its happened 3 times now and i cant seem to get the words out to tell her cuz there are always other people around and the subject is quickly changed and i dont want to change the subject back. so i just avoid it.

I sometimes feel like im in the reconstructive phase with trying to get healthier and save money and prepare for our time.

Then some days i truly feel at peace with it and that my time will come. But those days are short lived.

i cant wait to hit that acceptance and hope phase and be done with all my bipolar emotions. LIKE FOR REAL. i feel like a crazy person lol.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Worless{ish} Wednesdays: 2 Steps forward, 5 steps back..

What is that??
oh its just my gangster baby.......







So im not doing vlogging wednesdays this week cuz well...i dont know "how to" do anything cool or worth anyone learning. Plus im just REALLY not in the mood. Im forcing myself to even blog this week. I just cant seem to escape this slump im in........

I feel like i took 2 steps forward and 5 steps back. Just when i was feeling on the up i get hit with more stress. This last month has just been bad.

I find out i have a thyroid problem and that im pregnant. Then i find out a really good friend of mine lost her son who was only a year old. After several weeks and working out and eating right Nothing was changing with loosing weight which my thyroid medication was supposed to be helping with that. I hear its a rollercoaster ride trying to figure out your right dosage. Then i loose my baby at 10 weeks. Just when i start feeling better i go to work Monday get stuck with a dirty needle. So i have to go get a urine test done. Come back to work BARELLY have time to eat dinner, then work with someone who stresses me out to the MAX cuz they are VERY LITTLE help and make me fall way behind. I went home that day bawling from all the stress. I couldnt handle it. The following day i go get blood drawn for the needle stick, go straight from there to go get MORE blood drawn for my miscarriage (they have to draw my blood to specially make my RhoGam shot), then 2 hours head back to get my RhoGam shot. I couldnt help but feel like i was being tortured. I just wanted this nightmare to all be over so i could move on. I was so physically and emotionally drained yesterday. I just wanted to sleep the rest of the night.

Im just at the point where im getting fed up that i cant catch a break. I need a vaccation or something. But i think that im finally done with all the poking and prodding and can finally get back to working on my thyroid issue and hope things start looking up..

I know im strong and will get through this just having a rough patch in my life






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Monday, March 28, 2011

Another day stronger...

So yesterday was the first day that i feel like i am on the upside rather than the down. I still have my moments that i let myself get down but i try to think of other things and stay positive. I am basically focusing all that energy on getting healthy. Last night i did my cardio bike for the first time in over a week. And it was amazing. I woke up today feeling so much more alive and not so depressed.

Can i just tell how AMAZING my support system is?? I have THE best family and friends. I cant even express how appreciative i am for all the support. My husband has been my number one support and seriously is so amazing. My family members are so caring and every day would check to see how i was doing. I tear up just thinking about it. My close friends said the most sweet words of comfort and support. Our best friends (my wifey that i talk about), had their baby this week and STILL asked how i was doing. Them of all people had so much more on their minds and i would not have even been offended or sad if they didnt say a word about it cuz they were going through such a special time in their life but no, they STILL were caring. Ive even had people that dont even know me email me and say the sweetest things and words of support and such. I just cant believe how many people care and are so sweet. It truly has made a world of difference in getting through this and i just want each and every one of you know how you have impacted my life :) THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

Ok on to some more catching up
(yes i am STILL catching up lol)

So the weekend before ST. Pattricks day we had a family bbq! I love getting together with my family. This day was so nice outside and it was a change of events for Utah weather so we took advantage of it and ate outside. I got some shots of the kids playing, they turned out pretty cute :)









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